Tag Archives for humility

PARENTING & How to teach kids humility (and to understand it ourselves)

by Laura Hanby Hudgins, Aleteia, 7/19/19.

…C.S. Lewis defined humility as “… not thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less.”

  • Teach gratitude. Perhaps the best way to teach the virtue of humility is to foster in our children a deep sense of gratitude, first to God for all His blessings, but also to the people (parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches) who help cultivate the gifts He has given us…
  • Teach kids to know themselves. Sometimes as parents we think it is our job to tell our children they can do anything they want to do and be anything they want to be. But St. Augustine described humility as knowing the truth about oneself. This doesn’t mean squashing our kids’ dreams our discouraging their goals. But it does mean helping them to take a realistic look at where their gifts and talents lie, where they need to put in extra work, and even where they might be wasting their time. It also means gently helping them recognize, not only their own limitations, but also their flaws and faults — not so they can give up, but so that they can work to improve and to grow in whatever habits or virtues they need to develop.

  • Reject the cockiness culture. Not only is humility a virtue, but pride is actually considered one of the seven deadly sins (the sins that lead to all others). Yet, walk through any middle school in America, and unless the kids are required to wear a uniform, many of them will likely be wearing t-shirts boldly proclaiming their own greatness with sayings like You Can’t Spell AWESOME Without ME; Not Braggin’ Just Swaggin’; and THIS Is What a Winner Looks Like. These trendy tees might be fun and seem harmless enough, but could they be promoting a culture of cockiness that is further reinforced by many of our kids’ favorite athletes and celebrities?…

  • Be willing to go unnoticed. This is a tough one. No one likes to go unnoticed for an achievement. Maybe we can start by teaching our kids that it’s okay to go unnoticed in a conversation. They don’t always have to tell a funnier joke, one-up a friend’s really cool story, or have the last word in an argument. It’s okay sometimes to just listen…
  • Look for the gifts of others... Sometimes as parents we get so caught up in telling our kids how awesome they are, we fail to help them see the awesomeness of others. Start by talking about what you appreciate and admire in your own friends, and encourage your kids to look for what is noteworthy and admirable about their friends too.

  • Pray. There’s an old joke that it is a bad idea to pray for humility because the last thing you want is to be humbled by God. There may be some truth in that, but often life has a way of humbling us whether we’ve prayed for it or not. It is far better for any of us to be humbled by our Loving Father than by our peers, or worse, our enemies. Praying a prayer for humility is a beautiful way to help every family member grow in this all-important virtue.

Read more at … https://aleteia.org/2019/07/19/6-tricks-to-teach-kids-humility-and-to-understand-it-ourselves/

SERVANT LEADERSHIP & a 9 quote introduction to its basic principles …

Commentary by Dr. Whitesel: Ken Blanchard and Renee Broadwell‘s new book includes chapters by 44 well-known practitioners of servant leadership.  Therefore, it is an excellent introduction to servant leadership principles. Here are some of the quotes that you will find in the book: “Servant Leadership in Action: How You Can Achieve Great Relationships and Results.”

“9 Inspiring Quotes From One of the Most Anticipated Leadership Books Ever Published” by Michael Schwates, Inc. Magazine, 3/21/18.

1. Marshall Goldsmith, the world’s leading executive coach and author of the bestseller,Triggers. On the one question every servant leader should ask: The next time you run into a conflict, ask yourself this question: ‘Am I willing, at this time, to make the investment required to make a positive difference on this topic?’

Like closing our office door so people hesitate before they knock, asking ourselves [this question] gives us a thin barrier of breathing room — time enough to inhale, exhale, and reflect on whether the outcome we seek is a true positive that is intended for the benefit of others, or a false positive that is intended to polish our own image. For servant leaders who want to make serving others their primary mission, that’s a vital distinction…

4. Michael Bush, CEO of consulting firm Great Place to Work. On acknowledging the human potential of all workers: [Servant leaders] also reject what’s been common management practice for decades: claiming people are your greatest asset but really valuing only about 10 percent or so of the souls in the upper echelons of the company. That elitist approach to business leaves human potential on the table, ultimately letting down individuals who work there as well as the business itself.

5. Simon Sinek, author of three bestselling books, including Start with Why.
On creating a culture of vulnerability: Creating a space in which people can feel vulnerable means a person can walk into their boss’s office to admit a mistake without fear of losing their job. It means someone can raise their hand and ask for help, admit they have been given a responsibility they don’t feel prepared or knowledgeable enough to complete, or admit they are scared without any fear of humiliation or retribution. We trust that the servant leader will come running to our aid. This is what happens inside great organizations. In contrast, in a work environment that lacks good servant leaders, people will go out of their way to follow the rules at all costs, cover up mistakes, and deny accountability. Remember United Airlines?

6. Brené Brown, famous researcher and author of three #1 New York Times bestsellers, including Daring Greatly.
On recognizing and combating shame: Servant leadership and shame culture cannot coexist for a simple reason: the foundation of servant leadership is courage and shame breeds fear. Shame crushes our tolerance for vulnerability, thereby killing engagement, innovation, creativity, productivity, and trust.

Read more at … https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/9-inspiring-quotes-from-one-of-most-anticipated-leadership-books-ever-published.html

FORGIVENESS & Intellectual humility and forgiveness of religious leaders

by Joshua N. Hooka*, Don E. Davisb, Daryl R. Van Tongerenc, Peter C. Hilld, Everett L. Worthington Jr.e, Jennifer E. Farrella & Phillip Diekef, The Journal of Positive Psychology: Dedicated to furthering research and promoting good practice,  Volume 10, Issue 6, 2015.

Abstract

This article presents two studies that examined how perceptions of intellectual humility affect response to a transgression by a religious leader. In Study 1, participants (N = 105) rated the religious leader on intellectual humility regarding different religious beliefs and values, as well as general humility and forgiveness of the leader for a transgression. Perceived intellectual humility was positively associated with forgiveness, even when controlling for perceived general humility. In Study 2, we replicated the findings from Study 1 on an independent sample (N = 299). Also, the type of offense moderated the association between perceived intellectual humility and forgiveness. For participants, who reported an offense in the area of religious beliefs, values, or convictions, the association between perceived intellectual humility and forgiveness was stronger than for participants, who reported a different type of offense. We conclude by discussing limitations and areas for future research.
DOI: 10.1080/17439760.2015.1004554

Read more at … http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17439760.2015.1004554

CONFLICT & Research Finds 2 Tools that Promote Intellectual Humilty & Resolve Conflict

by David Briggs, Huffington Post, 6/1/16.

Humility. Intellectual humility in particular.

New research projects are finding the more pastors are perceived to be intellectually humble, the more likely they are to be forgiven by people who took offense at something they said or did.

This was especially the case in one study for perceived transgressions in the area of religious beliefs, values or convictions, core areas of religious identity that have the potential to tear asunder congregations.

All congregations are going to go through “relational wear and tear,” and the tension can be particularly high when strongly held religious beliefs are threatened, researchers said.

But humble clergy who model openness and mutual respect may provide the “social oil” that keeps the congregation from overheating and breaking under the strain, new research indicates.

Listening to others

…Humility involves being other-oriented and having an accurate view of your own strengths and weaknesses.

Intellectual humility includes being open to new ideas and being able to regulate arrogance. Thus, intellectually humble individuals are able to present their own ideas “in a nonoffensive manner and receive contrary ideas without taking offense,” said researchers reporting on studies of intellectual humility and religious leadership. The team, led by researchers from Georgia State University, found intellectual humility was associated with higher levels of trust, openness and agreeableness.

“…The more victims perceived the religious leader to have intellectual humility, the more they reported being able to forgive him or her,” reported the study’s researchers, led by Joshua Hook of the University of North Texas.

Modelling Respect

It is the unusual congregation that can avoid internal tensions for too long.

More than six in 10 congregations reported some kind of conflict in the past five years, according to the 2015 Faith Communities Today study.

…More than a quarter of all congregations experienced a conflict in the last two years that led some people to leave the congregation, according to the 2006-2007 National Congregations Study. Nine percent of congregations experienced a conflict that led to the departure of a clergyperson or other religious leader.

Findings from the studies on religious leaders are consistent with a developing body of research that indicate perceived humility can help repair social bonds. In one study, college students who had been hurt in a romantic relationship within the last two months were more likely to forgive an offender they perceived as being humble…

Read more at … http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-briggs/saving-grace-the-leadersh_b_10209548.html?utm_hp_ref=religion&ir=Religion

WRONGLY ACCUSED & How to Act When People Mistreat You

One of Abraham’s great-grandsons, a boy named Joseph, was chosen by God to become the leader and protector of his other 12 brothers and one sister. But since he was second to the youngest, this didn’t sit well with his brothers. It was through a dream that God communicated His plan for Joseph, but it was through kidnapping and slavery that Joseph’s brothers sought to thwart the plan. Let’s pick up the story on a day when Joseph’s brothers felt they had had enough and their jealously boiled over.

“But they saw him in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him. “Here comes that dreamer!” they said to each other. “Come now, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we’ll see what comes of his dreams.”

When Reuben heard this, he tried to rescue him from their hands. “Let’s not take his life,” he said. “Don’t shed any blood. Throw him into this cistern here in the desert, but don’t lay a hand on him.” Reuben said this to rescue him from them and take him back to his father. So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe – the richly ornamented robe he was wearing – and they took him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there was no water in it. As they sat down to eat their meal, they looked up and saw a caravan of Ishmaelites coming from Gilead. Their camels were loaded with spices, balm and myrrh, and they were on their way to take them down to Egypt.

Judah said to his brothers, “What will we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood? Come, let’s sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay our hands on him; after all, he is our brother, our own flesh and blood.” His brothers agreed. So when the Midianite merchants came by, his brothers pulled Joseph up out of the cistern and sold him for twenty shekels of silver to the Ishmaelites, who took him to Egypt.” Genesis 37:18-28

“His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. “We are your slaves,” they said. But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:18-20

Even though he was sold into slavery, the Bible tells us “the Lord was with Joseph.” And slowly, but deliberately, God brought Joseph to a position of great prominence and responsibility in Egypt. And in his new found position of authority, Joseph would provide a safe-haven for his family in Egypt.

Eventually, Joseph’s brothers felt sorry for mistreating Joseph; but Joseph looked at his calamities from a different perspective. Joseph said, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…” Think about it. After all the mistreatment, slander, and abuse Joseph saw God’s hand working behind the scenes to bring about good.

How do you react when people or circumstances mistreat you? Do you rail and rave, calling attention to your predicament? Or do you act like Joseph, ready to stand back and let God’s unseen hand work behind the scenes to make things better. The next time you are maligned or mistreated, try following the example of Joseph. You’ll be glad you did!

HUMILITY & How Felix Mendelssohn Championed the Music of a Rival

by Bob Whitesel 10/20/14

Here we uncover the story of a man whose selfless acts would ensure that his place in history would be downplayed, and that the memory of an earlier rival would be esteemed.

This Christian’s story is drawn from the annuals of musical history, a genre that some may deduce to be a rather unlikely arena for a course on church leadership. But this man’s aptitude toward honoring others makes him worthy of our scrutiny.

Praise the Lord.

Praise God in His sanctuary; praise Him in his mighty heavens…

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord.

Psalm 150. 1, 6 (NIV)

What kind of humility does it take to overlook your own emerging career and champion the artistic efforts of an earlier rival? Felix Mendelssohn was not only one of the most successful composers of his time, but also a champion of the all but forgotten works of Johann Sebastian Bach. By Mendelssohn’s time, Bach’s brilliant concertos, fugues and symphonies had suffered decades of obscurity. Mendelssohn, due in part to a strong religious faith he shared with Bach, sought to reintroduce the world to Bach’s genus and skill.

Mendelssohn’s letters reveal a deep and abiding faith in God. The Bible served as not only the cornerstone of his life, but also as the inspiration for his work, such as the celebrated oratorios Elijah and Saint Paul. Once when a librettist altered the Biblical text of his composition, Mendelssohn observed, “I have time after time had to restore the precise text of the Bible. It is the best in the end.”

Mendelssohn had been impressed since a youth with Bach’s The Passion According to Saint Matthew. From the time he first sung it as a young choirboy he had been touched. As a successful adult he set out to “recover” and champion Bach’s neglected music. He personified the admonition of Psalm 150 to “Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.” He sought to breath new life into the majestic compositions of Bach, reintroducing them to a new generation and assuring these majestic praises would be given a voice for posterity. So impressed was Mendelssohn by one of Bach’ choruses that he wrote, “If life had taken hope and faith from me, this single chorus would restore all.”

It required a great degree of humility and grace to champion the genus of an earlier rival. Today we recognize Bach as one of the greatest composers of all time chiefly because of Mendelssohn’s efforts. Mendelssohn’s labor might best be summed up in the verse “Let everything that has breath, praise the Lord.”

Sometimes it is necessary to acknowledge others in lieu of ourselves. Such modesty and humbleness allows others to share in our successes. When you feel envious or resentful of another’s talents, the best remedy may be to focus on the giver of those capabilities.

LEADERSHIP & The Best Leaders Are Humble Leaders #HarvardBusinessReview

Commentary by Dr. Whitesel: “This research indicates that leaders that demonstrate “altruistic leadership” are more successful at reaching objectives. This requires putting the team first and empowering them, ahead of the leader’s interests (hence, the term altruistic or other-centered leadership). See how this applies to the church in ORGANIX: Signs of Leadership in a Changing Church (Abingdon Press, 2012) the chapter on ‘O = Others’.”

by Jeanine Prime, Harvard Business Review

HUMILITY & Rooting Out Hubris, Before a Fall #HarvardBusinessReview

Summary by Dr. Whitesel: “Tough love, humility and servant leadership may be the keys to preventing organizational hubris.”

Rooting Out Hubris, Before a Fall
by Steven Berglas, Harvard Business Review,

Steven Bergllas states: “Kenneth Lay, the former CEO of Enron, is a good example of executive hubris. Long before the company imploded, Lay lauded his company for being a ‘new economy’ corporation ‘before it became cool to be one…’ What is tragic about Lay’s self-destruction and the Enron collapse — apart from the number of lives ruined by it — is … he let his pride get in the way of reason, causing devastation as a result. Unable to watch his pride and joy fail, and unwilling to make the hard decisions that might have saved a diminished version of it, he decided to cook the books – and in so doing, his business’s goose.

Is there ever a way to deflate hubris while it’s still inflating, before the bubble disastrously bursts?  A few structural modifications of your corporate zeitgeist – or clarifications of principles you assumed were clear and accepted — along with some well-placed and properly-timed shots of tough love should do the trick…

Chief among the aspects of your corporate culture that you must imbue in all employees –but particularly the stars who are most vulnerable to hubris— is the virtue of humility…

Even if you do so, however, you cannot ensure that one of your ‘big hitters’ won’t make a public display of himself following a major success. This is the time for tough love: Let him know in stern terms that his celebratory antics are not becoming. Remind him that most people enjoy rooting for underdogs, dark horses, and long shots – especially when they’re competing against top dogs.  (Avis Corporation’s “We’re #2!” ad campaign capitalized on just this feeling.) It’s human nature to enjoy the sight of an idol falling off a pedestal… This is why humble pie should be the only dessert served in the corporate cafeteria …”

Read more at … http://blogs.hbr.org/2014/04/rooting-out-hubris-before-a-fall/