EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE & 6 Mental Habits of People Who Manage Their Emotions Remarkably Well

by Michael Schwantes, Inc. Magazine, 4/4/18

1. They put boundaries on people who make them angry…

It’s saying to yourself, “I’m not going to allow this person to push my buttons, take advantage of this situation, or disrespect my authority.” Then following through on it.

2. They get to the bottom of why they’re really angry.

Emotionally intelligent people realize the reason for their anger may run deeper than what they’re experiencing on the surface. They probe, process, do a deep dive, and ask themselves, “What’s really beneath my anger?” By stepping back and looking at root causes, you’ll soon realize that your anger is really a reaction to whatever is disturbing you,.,Then tell yourself with brutal honesty, “The real reason I’m angry is … ”

3. They respond, not react.

Chuck Swindoll once said, “The longer I live, the more convinced I become that life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond to it.” Emotional intelligent people have the advantage because they assess a situation, get perspective, listen without judgment, and hold back from reacting head on.

4. They take a six-second pause.

Why six seconds? The chemicals of emotion inside our brains and bodies usually last about six seconds. During a heated exchange, if we can pause for a short moment, the flood of chemicals being produced slows down…

5. They are the first to reach out after an argument.

6. They shift to the positive…

Have a gratitude meditation. Take out a piece of paper and spend two minutes making a list of all the things you’re grateful for in the last 24 hours. Positive psychologist Shaw Achor says if you do this simple exercise for 21 straight days, you’ll be training your brain to scan for positives instead of negatives.

Read more at … https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/6-mental-habits-of-people-who-manage-their-emotions-remarkably-well.html

WEALTH & Research shows as it increases… compassion and empathy go down.

Answer by Betty-Ann Heggie, Speaker, author, mentor on moving past gender stereotypes, on Quora, 1/25/18.

Research shows that as people’s wealth increases, their compassion and empathy go down. Poor people are more likely to be generous with money and to stop for pedestrians in the street. They may depend more on interpersonal relationships, and therefore be more attuned to them.

Read more at … https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-be-emotionally-intelligent

EQ & The higher up the ranks you go inside a company, research shows the lower the “Emotional Intelligence” scores

Answer by Betty-Ann Heggie, Speaker, author, mentor on moving past gender stereotypes, on Quora, 1/25/18

…But right now, things are moving in the wrong direction. The higher up the ranks you go inside a company, the lower the EQ scores (measures of emotional intelligence) drop. A study of 1 million people by TalentSmart found that CEOs, on average, have the lowest EQ scores in the workplace.

…A helpful definition comes from Psychology Today: “the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others.” It’s a combination of emotional awareness, the ability to harness and apply emotions to tasks, and the ability to manage and regulate emotions….

 

Read more at … https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-be-emotionally-intelligent

EQ & How can I be emotionally intelligent?

Answer by Betty-Ann Heggie, Speaker, author, mentor on moving past gender stereotypes, on Quora, 1/25/18

…A helpful definition comes from Psychology Today: “the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others.” It’s a combination of emotional awareness, the ability to harness and apply emotions to tasks, and the ability to manage and regulate emotions.

It’s also set to become more important than ever over the next decade. As artificial intelligence and machine learning transform how businesses operate, people will need to focus more on uniquely human skills like empathy and awareness. So not only is emotional intelligence a competitive advantage for the businesses of today, it’s also a necessity for the businesses of tomorrow.

But right now, things are moving in the wrong direction. The higher up the ranks you go inside a company, the lower the EQ scores (measures of emotional intelligence) drop. A study of 1 million people by TalentSmart found that CEOs, on average, have the lowest EQ scores in the workplace.

Of course this is the case. To understand why, we can look at two helpful examples: poor people and President Obama.

Research shows that as people’s wealth increases, their compassion and empathy go down. Poor people are more likely to be generous with money and to stop for pedestrians in the street. They may depend more on interpersonal relationships, and therefore be more attuned to them.

This same idea applies with power in the workplace. As people work their way up to the highest ranks, they lose touch with the daily challenges and aspirations of people at lowest ranks. They start to see people in large groups, rather than as individuals. And they treat people as problems to solve, rather than fellow human beings to relate to. This helps explain why research finds power reduces concern for others

Here are some of the ways I encourage leaders to build up their emotional intelligence:

  1. Share power…
  2. See everyone as equal…
  3. Be conscious of unspoken communication…
  4. Encourage people to question you…

Read more at … https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-be-emotionally-intelligent

EQ & How Emotional Intelligence Is Defined & How It Became a Key Leadership Skill

by Andrea Ovans, Harvard Business Review, 4/28/15.

…The term was coined in 1990 in a research paper by two psychology professors, John D. Mayer of UNH and Peter Salovey of Yale. Some years later, Mayer defined it in HBR this way:

From a scientific (rather than a popular) standpoint, emotional intelligence is the ability to accurately perceive your own and others’ emotions; to understand the signals that emotions send about relationships; and to manage your own and others’ emotions. It doesn’t necessarily include the qualities (like optimism, initiative, and self-confidence) that some popular definitions ascribe to it.

It took almost a decade after the term was coined for Rutgers psychologist Daniel Goleman to establish the importance of emotional intelligence to business leadership. In 1998, in what has become one of HBR’s most enduring articles, “What Makes a Leader,” he states unequivocally:

The most effective leaders are all alike in one crucial way: they all have a high degree of what has come to be known as emotional intelligence. It’s not that IQ and technical skills are irrelevant. They do matter, but…they are the entry-level requirements for executive positions. My research, along with other recent studies, clearly shows that emotional intelligence is the sine qua non of leadership. Without it, a person can have the best training in the world, an incisive, analytical mind, and an endless supply of smart ideas, but he still won’t make a great leader.

The article then goes on to introduce five components of emotional intelligence that allow individuals to recognize, connect with, and learn from their own and other people’s mental states:

  • Self-awareness
  • Self-regulation
  • Motivation (defined as “a passion for work that goes beyond money and status”)
  • Empathy for others
  • Social skills, such as proficiency in managing relationships and building networks

Read more at … https://hbr.org/2015/04/how-emotional-intelligence-became-a-key-leadership-skill

EMOTIONS & Outsmart Your Next Angry Outburst

by Peter Bregman, Harvard Business Review, 5/9/16.

… There are so many lessons in this brief but havoc-wreaking exchange. Some are easy: Don’t text when you’re angry. Ever. In fact, don’t communicate in the middle of any strong negative feeling. Most of us should not use writing to express anger or frustration or disappointment; subtleties of feeling are often lost in texts and emails. And, of course, never check your phone in the middle of a meeting…

For starters, always plan your communication. As you do, remember that organizations are complex, people make mistakes, and what looks like political backstabbing may be a simple oversight. In difficult situations it helps to ask instead of demand, to stay curious, and to open up conversation rather than shut it down. Give the other person some benefit of the doubt…

Here are four questions to ask yourself before communicating.

What outcome do I want? It seems obvious, but in reality it’s unusual that we ask this question. Often we react to what other people are saying, to our own emotions, or to a particular situation. But those reactions lead to haphazard outcomes. Start by thinking about the outcome you’re aiming for, and then respond in a way that will achieve that outcome…

What should I communicate to achieve that outcome? Once you know your outcome, identifying what you want to say is much easier. If I want to be closer to someone, “I’m hurt that you didn’t include me” is clearly a better choice than “I can’t believe you didn’t include me!” That small word difference represents a huge shift in meaning. Of course, for many of us it’s emotionally much easier to say “I’m angry” than to say “I’m hurt.” One feels powerful, the other vulnerable. This is one reason why emotional courage is so critical to being an effective communicator and a powerful leader.

How should I communicate to achieve that outcome? Your goal here should be to increase your chances of being heard. So instead of considering how you can most clearly articulate your point, think about how you can predispose the other person to listen. Ironically, you don’t do this by speaking at all. Just listen. Be curious and ask questions. Recap what you’re hearing. Then, before sharing your perspective, ask if you’ve understood the other person’s. If not, ask what you missed. If you hear a yes, ask, “Can I share my perspective?” A yes to this last question is an agreement to listen. And since you just gave a great example of listening, the other person is far more likely to return the favor.

When should I communicate to achieve that outcome? For many of us communication is a gut reaction… The rule here is simple: Don’t communicate just because you feel like it. Communicate when you are most likely to be received well. Ask yourself when you are most likely to approach the communication with curiosity, compassion, and clarity, and when the other person is likely to be generous and calm…

Read more at … https://hbr.org/2016/05/outsmart-your-next-angry-outburst?utm_campaign=harvardbiz&utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social

EMOTIONS & How to Appear Calm in Any Situation

by Heather Davis, Huffington Post, 3/7/16.

  • Tone — The tone of your voice refers to how high or low the pitch of your voice is. When your voice is too high, people interpret that as you feeling stressed or angry, out of control, and/or untrustworthy. People interpret a low tone of voice as anger, patronizing, or not intelligent. In order to appear calm and in control, try to keep the tone of your voice right in the middle – not too high or too low.
  • Volume — Volume is how loudly you are speaking. Most of us know that a loud voice seems angry and/or out of control. Speaking too softly is also bad in a tense situation because it seems afraid. Try to keep your voice in a nice natural volume that is not too loud but not to soft.
  • Rhythm — The speed of your voice is another important thing to be aware of if you want to appear calm in a tense situation. When we speak too fast, we seem stressed, worried, angry, and/or out of control. When we speak too slow, we seem angry, bored, or not very reliable depending on the tone. A steady, natural rhythm of your voice helps you appear calm and in control of your emotions…

Read more at … http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/how-to-appear-calm-in-any-situation_b_9399610.html