by James Altucher.
…these are the rules how to deal with haters – the anonymous ones, the ones in your face, the ones at work, the ones you can’t avoid, family, and people you love.
It’s hard to do. Sometimes I can’t do them. But bit by bit I get better at these rules. And when I get better, I can see better results in my life. I hope you will also.
I) IT’S ABOUT THEM
This is a bit of a cliche but it’s true. Behind every Anger is a Fear…
III) THE 24 HOUR RULE
… The 24 Hour Rule works in almost every case. If you never respond to the initial attack, it goes away in 24 hours. If you respond EVEN ONCE, then reset the clock. It’s another 24 hours as it spreads through the spider web of human interaction.
IV) THE 30/30/30 RULE
… for every creative thing you do: 1/3 will love you, 1/3 will hate you, and 1/3 won’t care.
Which means you should do what you love. You should do the best you can. You should try to do the things that will help you improve every day. And when bad comments come, just put them in that 1/3 bucket where it belongs.
I’m always happy when someone disagrees with me. I don’t mind that.
But often people are incapable of expressing disagreement and it comes out in a way that is obnoxious or hateful.
When I can, I delete them. I can put “delete” in quotes. Sometimes its not a blog commenter but someone in real life. I delete them also. I don’t speak to people who are bad for me…
VI) HATE IS CONTAGIOUS
… The worst thing you can do to your body is stab it. Anger is an emotional stab at your emotional body. Some religions say you should show compassion to your enemies. I don’t know. This is really hard to do.
The best I can do is recognize that I don’t know this person, and that every additional thought is another way for me to stab myself. Then the infection spreads inside of me, consumes me.
I don’t like to stab myself..,
VIII) RESISTANCE IS FUTILE
Let’s say someone does actually have a reason for hating you. And it’s easy to refute. Like they hate you because you are from Rhode Island but actually you are from Canada. You can say, “But I’m from Canada” and they will say, “Ugh, that’s even worse.”
Nobody ever changes their mind. Change is hard. Quitting cigarettes is very hard, almost impossible for many people.
Hating is even more addictive so imagine how hard it is to change someone’s mind. Facts don’t matter. Defending yourself makes it worse (see the 24 Hour Rule)…