Probably the most important part of Christianity is going to Halloween Festivals at church that don’t use the word “Halloween.” … And listen, nothing is more embarrassing than hitting the Harvest Festival in a bedsheet shepherd costume. Freshen it up, girl. God didn’t give us grace so that we could be embarrassed by the pagans and their fancy costumes. Here are some ideas so that you can turn some heads when you roll up to the Trunk-or-Treat at First Methodist.
What could be more terrifying to your affluent, conservative WASP-nest of a Bible Belt church than if you and your spouse showed up to the Fall Festival as a couple of free trade coffee-swilling, Bernie Sanders-quoting progressive believers? IMPORTANT: you must wear either the “Look How Smart I Am Glasses” or the “I Might Be Homeless Headwear,” but not both. Furthermore, to complete the ensemble, work the following buzzwords into your conversations:
- safe space
- biblical socialism
- love wins
- mutual submission
- bagels [progressives love bagels; no one knows why]
Terrify your friends by showing up at your church’s Fall Festival as this scowling, grumbling theological warrior. Furrow those brows, let the corners of your mouth sink down into your jowls, and wave your ESV MacArthur Study Bible at lesser believers. Tootsie Rolls? Nope, not biblical. Candy corn? Abomination… Rice cakes and Nutella are good enough for Al Mohler and by golly they’re good enough for me.
The Southern Baptist
Keep those shades on you at all times, baby. If you don’t have flip up lenses then get you a frat boy strap and wear the shades around your neck. Throw a couple of twenties into the offering plate. Feels good, don’t it? Take the harmony on “Joy Unspeakable” and really belt it out. Make them hear you up in the choir row.
The Youth Pastor
Add some accessories. AND THEN ADD SOME MORE. Grow some sweet facial hair and then break out the bleach. Roll up your sleeves. Are belts keeping you from relating to today’s generation? LEAVE YOUR BELT AT HOME AND UNTUCK YOUR SHIRT.
More great humor at … http://matthewepierce.com/costume-ideas-for-the-halloween-festival/
And … This Year’s Most Popular Constume?
My colleague and friend Ed Stetzer may be this year’s most unexpected (and underrated) Halloween Festival Costume.